


Andante, Andante

by iinamorata



Category: Good Morning Call (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 13:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18250658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iinamorata/pseuds/iinamorata
Summary: He has one plan. No matter what, he is stealing Yoshikawa Nao from Uehara Hisashi.





	Andante, Andante

**Author's Note:**

> this is kinda all over the place. sawree

Shu's learning, he really is.

First, don't go kissing your friend's girlfriend (even if you're only half awake, even if it's a genuine mistake).

Second, don't then go kissing said friend's girlfriend  _again,_ and while she's crying too (that was not something he could call an accident, no matter how hard he tried).

Third, and maybe the one he should've learnt the earliest,  _don't go falling in love with your friend's girlfriend_.

Still, no matter how much he knows those things to be true, he does them all anyway.

Sometimes, when he thinks about why he does the things that he does (why he touches Nao when she doesn't want to be touched, why he kisses her when she doesn't want to be kissed) he thinks it might be because he wants her to push him away. He wants to give into his urges, for just a moment, and he wants Nao to push him away, to rebuff his efforts so that maybe he'll be just a little bit tempted to walk away. But it doesn't work, it never works. He'll do something he knows Nao won't like, and she'll look at him, hurt, and confused, and it'll break his heart, and he starts to think maybe now he could finally back off, but the next day he'll still come back for more.

Maybe he's a masochist, wanting to turn himself into a bad guy in front of the girl that he loves, or maybe he's a sadist, wanting to continue stirring up the emotions of the girl he loves.

Or maybe he was just a bad guy, maybe he was the antagonist in Nao and Hisashi's love story.

_Yeah. Probably. Definitely._

After all, he hates Nao just as much as he loves her. 

She stood for everything he didn't like, everything he was afraid of. At first it had just irked him, just frustrated him, but now it made a fire burn so deep in him he wonders if it could ever be put out. Nao's innocence, her naivety, her clumsiness, her childishness, all of those things he hates, has hated since they met. They were such a stark reminder of who he was, and who he could never be. It was so relentless too, those sides of Nao, showing themselves whenever he was near, as if they were taunting him, saying to him  _"Cynical boy, some people can come out of this world unscathed, unharmed, as pure as they were when they were born. Some people are not like you, cracked in so many places, dark and hollow, lost. She is the way you were meant to be. She is good, and bright, and better. Silly boy, can't you see? You could never touch someone like her."_

He never really stops hearing those words, even when she's not in the room with him, even when he's in bed, alone, or not alone. But those parts are parts of her that he loves too, no matter how much he tires to resist, he can't help but love. She'd came and shaken up his entire world, spouting off about true love, and romance, and spewing out an endless fountain of kindness, and in the end she'd taught him how to love too (maybe not properly, maybe not right, but he knows it was the closest he could get).

There's two choices he could make now.

Choice one was to play devil's advocate.

Choice two was to play boy next door.

The right choice is abundantly clear, because he knows Nao doesn't respond to the things he does as devil's advocate, because he knows that girls, all girls, just want to be treated with kindness and respect.

Even so, even if he knows the right answer, it's hard to give up his role as devil's advocate, it's hard to let go when the only time he ever really gets to do the things he wants to do with Nao is when he lets his cunning side take over, when he gives into his desires. The boy next door doesn't get to kiss the love of his life when he wants, the boy next door has to be patient, the boy next door has to put the girl he loves over himself. The devil's advocate does whatever he wants to, kisses when he wants to, touches when he wants to, doesn't wait for anybody.

Is it worth playing the part of the boy he knows she would prefer, if there's a possibility that she never ends up looking his way, no matter how hard he tries? 

While mulling over that question, Nao's face pops into his head, clear as day, vivid. She's smiling, and crying, and the wind is blowing her hair in all sorts of directions.

_Of course._

 

**— ☆ —**

 

Honestly, Shu had been expecting everything to be a lot harder.

Seeing Nao and Hisashi together was still as difficult to bear as it had been a week ago, but surprisingly, it wasn't as if the choice he'd made hadn't paid off either.

His "change of heart" hadn't really seemed to take much effect in regards to Hisashi, but Nao surprisingly took to it pretty quickly. At some point she'd said Shu now reminded her a little of Daichi, and at first he had detested the comparison (Daichi had tried, and failed, and Shu refuses to do the same), but figured that must've meant he was better liked now.

_The boy next door had been a good choice after all._

Shu was seeing opportunities too, little gaps here and there. Hisashi was still stubborn, and thickheaded, and sure, maybe he'd mellowed out a bit, but it's hard to make changes stick, so every once in a while he falls back into old habits, and when he does, that's when Shu comes in.

Hisashi does something to make Nao cry, or Nao does something to make Nao cry, and Hisashi is too busy focusing on work to comfort her, so Shu slides in. He doesn't kiss her, or hug her, just sits next to her, and wipes her tears away with a tissue. Sometimes he'll let his hand linger a bit too long near her cheek, and sometimes Nao notices, and averts her gaze to the ground. In those times, Shu feels as if he's just won a little bit of the battle.

Shu was more than capable at playing the part of the boy next door, but that didn't mean he was just sitting back and waiting, it just meant he had to work overtime behind the scenes. If there weren't any opportunities to exploit, he would create them. 

(Maybe that was manipulative, maybe he didn't care. The devil's advocate is not a side of him that could be so easily erased).

"Hey, lately Airi's been bugging me about seeing you again. I told her that you'd be busy but she keeps insisting. Do you think maybe you'd have some time to spare this week?"

He knows she's fully booked, he knows she has to study, that she'll be meeting Marina, then meeting her parents, who are in town, and then going on a date with Uehara on Sunday. And he also knows she'd never be able to turn down Airi.

"Oh, well, I  _am_ pretty busy this week but, I'm sure I could make some time for Airi!"

Shu has to physically fight the smirk threatening to surface.

"Great, how about on Saturday?"

Nao nods, enthusiastically, and Shu takes a moment to just look at the way she smiles, before he's moving onto the second part of his... scheme.

He drops by the lab, when he knows Hisashi won't be there, and pesters Saeko as he always has. Halfway through talking her ear off, he casually mentions that Hisashi and Nao are going on a date on Sunday. As he'd hoped, Saeko ends up picking up on it, and her face lights up just slightly, like she had a plan of her own. Shu smiles to himself as he turns to leave then, knowing that Saeko would properly fill her part in this.

 

**— ☆ —**

 

 **Nao | 7.29 pm  
**Natsume! I'm so sorry, but I don't think I can make it to meet Airi on Saturday :( Uehara and I were meant to go on a date on Sunday but he suddenly had a lot of important work to do on Sunday so we wanted to post pone the date to Saturday. 

 **Shu **| 7.37 pm****    
I understand, but Airi was really looking forward to seeing you. When I told her you'd come she wouldn't stop smiling, she'd be so upset if I told her you had to cancel.

 **Nao **| 7.40 pm****    
I'm so sorry, I really am!!! But it's just... I haven't been on a date with Uehara for so long... and this is the first time we've both been free long enough for it....

 **Shu **| 7.41 pm****    
I get it, I'm just worried about Airi. She's been really upset lately, so I wanted to cheer her up. But it's fine, I'll just take her to the amusement park myself.

 **Nao | 7.43 pm  
**:((((((( Wait, let me just, talk this over with Uehara again....

 **Shu **| 7.43 pm****    
Are you sure?

 **Nao **| 7.48 pm****    
Yeah.  
I just explained it to him, and he said it would be fine if I went to the amusement park with you and Airi, and that we'll just schedule a date for another time.

 **Shu **| 7.50 pm****    
Really? He was okay with it?

 **Nao **| 7.55 pm****    
He said it was fine, and that he'd been meaning to catch up on some sleep anyway.

 **Shu **| 7.57 pm****    
Oh.  
Is that... okay with you?

 **Nao **| 7.59 pm****    
Of course!

 **Shu **| 8.00 pm****    
Really?

 **Nao **| 8.01 pm****    
Yeah, it's fine :)  
I guess I was just.... the only one who looked forward to going on the date.

 

**— ☆ —**

 

When Nao first arrives, she's a bit upset, understandably, and somewhere deep in the recess of Shu's mind, the expression she wears makes him feel guilty. The louder part of his mind however, is triumphant, knowing that after today, the discord between Nao and Hisashi will only worsen, and the bond between him and Nao will only get stronger.

Airi, at first, had just been brought out as bait, to lure Nao into seeing him on a Saturday, but Shu also knew that the brotherly side of him was the side that Nao liked to see most. Thankfully, this was a side he didn't have to fake either. He was a good actor, sure, but that didn't mean he didn't get tired, tired of having to pretend he was calm, and collected, and pretending like he didn't want to spend every waking minute with Nao in his arms. With Airi, Shu didn't have to pretend, he was himself, and he was a loving brother too, and he's only hoping that the more Nao sees that side of him today, the bigger the chance she eventually falls for him is.

At the heart of it all, seeing Nao smile makes Shu the happiest. Her smiling when she's around Hisashi is another thing, but when she's smiling just around him, his heart feels lighter, like he wants to treasure this moment for as long as he can. Watching her like this, makes him forget about a lot of things, like the fact that she's not really  _with_ him with him, like the fact that he in no way, shape or form, actually deserves someone like her. Things like that, at least for a moment, mean nothing, and he doesn't have to worry or fret. The first time he felt like this he had wondered if Nao had some kind of magic, to be able to make him feel as if he was floating like that, but eventually it became obvious to him that this was it-  _love._ It had taken him an absurdly long time to come to terms with it, and after he had, there was no turning back. At first he had thought he would end up regretting it, but now, as he looks on at Nao, happy, filled with laughter, and knowing that his own face echoed her same expression, he can't say he regrets much of it at all.

"Did Airi fall asleep?"

The ferris wheel is going up achingly slow, and though Airi's head resting on Shu's lap is starting to make his left leg feel numb, all he notices is Nao, so close to him, yet so far.

"Yeah, I think she used up all her energy. Looked like she was having fun though."

Nao grins, and reaches a hand over to pet Airi's head.

_Close, too close._

"I'm glad I came. This morning I thought I wouldn't be able to have any fun, I was all bummed out about not being able to go on a date with Uehara, but, if I did I would've missed watching Airi bounce and play around. In the end I didn't regret coming here at all." 

Nao's looking down at Airi, fond, and doesn't notice Shu's gaze, carrying its own affection.

"Sorry, again, that you had to miss out on spending time with Uehara to be here. To be honest I was a bit worried this morning since you seemed so upset, but it's a good thing you've cheered up, Nao, you look cutest with a smile on your face."

Being complimented like that has Nao sputtering shyly, and the reaction makes Shu want to scream.

He really wants to kiss her.

"O-oh? Um, did you have fun too?"

Shu smiles, not that Nao can see, with her eyes glued to her shoes.

"Of course, I always have fun when I'm with you."

Nao stills for a moment after those words, suddenly looking dejected.

Shu turns his face to look out the window, knowing exactly why she had made that kind of expression. He knew it was because she'd always wanted to hear those words from Hisashi, words she'd been trying to get out of him since they first started dating. Seeing Nao silently hurt like this hurts Shu a little too, but he needed to say what he said, he has to get it clearly across to her, that he could give her things Hisashi couldn't give her, that he could give her things she's always wanted, that he could be good to her, if she'd just let him.

 

**— ☆ —**

 

Nao wonders if it should be this hard, to get Hisashi to say things like "I'm happy when I'm with you." or "I want to spend more time with you." He was her boyfriend, right? So why was it so difficult? Why was it her, asking, and asking, and asking again, and getting nothing in return? Why had Shu been able to say those things so easily, when whatever she did she couldn't get Hisashi to utter a single word like that? 

Thinking about this always leads back to one answer: that she wasn't good enough. She'd been convincing herself for the longest time that it wasn't true, that she was a good girlfriend, that her and Hisashi were just taking things slow. But was that really true? Maybe she really wasn't good enough, as a girlfriend, as herself, that maybe if Hisashi was dating another girl, he'd be able to say those things to her, hold her hand in public, hug her without her having to ask. What if, this was all just because Nao wasn't enough?

When thoughts like that come to her, it's hard to stop thinking about them. She wants to change, but she has no idea what she wants to change, how to change, what Hisashi really wants. 

That's it, isn't it? Hisashi won't tell her, he won't tell her what he wants, and no matter how much she asks, she can't get it out of him. So what was she supposed to do now?

Being insecure like this, being so unsure, it hurt, and Nao was getting so tired of hurting, and aching. She wishes she could tell all this to Hisashi, that she had to courage to talk to him about it, to open up to him, but every time she comes close, she just backs out. If Hisashi wasn't talking, and now she wasn't talking either, then what would happen to the both of them? 

She wants....

She wants....?

What _does_ she want?

 

**— ☆ —**

 

 **Nao | 2.11 pm  
**Heyyyy.... Can I ask you a question?

 **Shu | 2.20 pm  
**Sure, what's up?

 **Nao | 2.20 pm  
**You've had a girlfriend, right?

 **Shu | 2.21 pm  
**Uh, yeah. Why?

 **Nao | 2.23 pm  
**What was it like, being with her?

 **Shu | 2.23 pm  
**What do you mean?

 **Nao | 2.23 pm  
**Well, um, what kinda stuff did you do? What did you talk about?

 **Shu | 2.30 pm**  
Normal stuff? We went on dates, mostly at each other's houses, but we went to café's a lot too, and watched movies.  
As for talking... honestly don't remember much of that part when it comes to my exes... 

 **Nao | 2.33 pm**  
Oh....   
Did you say stuff like...  
I miss you.  
I want to see you.  
I'm thinking about you.  
Stuff like that?

 **Shu | 2.34 pm  
**Of course! Isn't that pretty standard? All couples say that kinda stuff to each other.

 **Nao | 2.34 pm  
**Oh, I see.

 **Shu | 2.36 pm  
**You and Uehara don't say those things to each other?

 **Nao | 2.37 pm  
**No....

 **Shu | 2.37 pm  
**Do you want to?

 **Nao | 2.40 pm**  
Yes....  
I want us to feel like a couple.  
A normal couple.

 **Shu | 2.41 pm  
**Do you feel like you're not a normal couple?

 **Nao | 2.44 pm**  
Kinda?  
Uehara doesn't want to do a lot of normal couple things sometimes... so it always feels like we're not really a couple like everybody else I guess.

 **Shu | 2.46 pm**  
Well, Uehara's never really struck me as a conventional kinda guy.  
I'm sure he just wants to do things with you in a way that's unique to you two?

 **Nao | 2.59 pm**  
I guess so.  
Thanks for talking about all this with me!  
Sorry for taking up so much of your time talking about something kinda strange!!

 **Shu | 3.01 pm**  
No problem.  
Whenever you have any worries, don't hesitate to shoot me a message.  
I'll be happy to hear them :)

 

**— ☆ —**

 

 

The next time he sees Nao is pure coincidence. He'd been planning to stop by the convenience store to pick up a quick dinner, only to run into Nao, zoning out in front of the sweets.

"Nao?"

Hearing her name, Nao snaps out of whatever trance she was in, offering Shu a half smile half grimace when she sees him.

"Natsume, what are you doing here?"

He frowns slightly at the look in her face. There was definitely something wrong.

"I was just going to buy some instant curry to have for dinner. Are you alright?"

Nao laughs a little, but it sounds nothing like it normally does.

"I'm totally fine, I'm  _super_ okay!" 

It's obvious to him that she's lying, she's always lying when it comes to things like this. She never wants to let people know when she's upset, or stressed, or struggling. Probably in an effort not to worry anyone, but that usually just worries everyone even more.

"Then, do you want to come up to my place and have dinner with me? We can talk about what's making you feel  _super_ okay if you'd like."

For a moment it looks as if she's going to say no, but it's clear there's something bothering her, and he can tell the longer she's looking at him the more she's tempted to go.

"Well, sure, but I'll cook for us, so no instant curry."

After arriving at Shu's apartment and taking a look at his empty fridge, they end up both having to settle for instant curry after all, not that Shu really minds. In the beginning they just eat in silence, Nao lost in thought, while Shu was just trying not to focus too much on the fact that they were both alone in his apartment, _alone_ , _together_ , _in his apartment_ , **where his bed is** -

"Um! So, what's going on? You really don't seem okay to me."

Nao sighs, and hangs her head, as Shu desperately tries to clear his mind of any inappropriate thoughts (this was proving to be a bad idea the more time went on. He should've known his self control wasn't  _nearly_ good enough to handle a situation like this).

"You don't have to be too worried. It's just, normal stuff, I think. Maybe. These days I just feel more and more distanced from Uehara. It's just the same problems cropping up, but it also feels a bit different for some reason. I'm so uncertain, still, even though I know I shouldn't be. It just hasn't really felt like any of us has moved forward, and that the relationship is at a stand still. I thought maybe we'd figured some stuff out, but it's still the same, we're still misunderstanding each other, still  _hurting_ each other, and I just don't know what to do anymore."

She then starts to sniffle, like she's about to cry, but also looking entirely too tired to cry at the same time. 

He really wishes he could just, wrap his arms around her, and make her tears go away. He can't, though, he knows that. Not now, not yet.

"Have you talked to Uehara about all this?"

Nao groans, like she's physically pained.

"I've tried- I'm trying, I keep trying, but I don't think he knows there's anything wrong, or maybe he just likes it this way, I don't know. I know that all couples are different, and special in their own way, and I know Uehara and I are probably the farthest from normal, but I want to do typical couple things too. I want to hear him say he misses me in the middle of the day, I want to hear him tell me he wants to spend time with me, I want to hear him say he cherishes me. I want to hear  _something_ from him."

_I could tell you those things, I could tell you those things everyday, I could tell you those things until you get tired of hearing them, I could tell you everything he was too afraid get out._

"Nao, I know you might not want me to say this, but... maybe... you just need to find someone who will say those things to you, someone who understands you better."

She tenses, but doesn't look angry. Shu thinks she might've known this already.

"Am I giving up too soon? I still love Uehara, I really do. But I'm so-"

"You don't have to explain yourself, Nao. If you're sad, say so. If you're lonely, say so. It's okay, all of it is okay. I know you've tried your best, for the both of you, for Uehara, and for yourself."

She starts crying then, sobbing, uncontrollably, as if she was already starting to mourn the end of the relationship. 

He aches, for her, and for the fact that he wishes nothing more but to sweep her into his arms, but can only place his hand on her shoulder for now.

"I worked hard, I really did, but in the end I couldn't be a good girlfriend to Uehara. I worked hard but I still failed, I couldn't change for him."

The words she says through choked sobs, tears at Shu.

In this moment he hates Hisashi. He hates Nao. He hates himself. 

He hates Hisashi for turning Nao into this sobbing mess, for letting her think she wasn't enough, for not realising what she wanted, and what he himself wanted. It's easy to condemn him like this, seeing Nao in such a state, it's easy to blame everything on him. 

Hating Nao isn't as easy, isn't as simple. He hates her for what she's done to herself, for not stopping before getting to this point, for trying so hard for someone who was never willing to put in the same amount of work. Ultimately, what he hates her for the most, is for what she's turned him into, for making him feel for her so much, so much so that seeing her cry makes his chest squeeze tight.

What comes easiest, is hating himself. It always has been. He hates himself for getting to this point, for breaking apart what could've been a loving couple, for being in love, for wanting to have a girl that wasn't his to have, for being the kind of guy who would rather steal the person he loves from their partner than to give up and move on. 

"Keeping the relationship afloat was not your responsibility, neither was being the perfect girlfriend. Your only job was to keep loving him. You did that, didn't you? So, you didn't fail, Nao, you did the best you could, you did exactly what you were supposed to."

Nao ends up sobbing even harder, and Shu, for a moment, thinks he might've said the wrong thing, but then Nao reaches her hand out to hold onto the end of his shirt, as if saying her thanks to him through the gesture.

She ends up crying for a majority of the night, until she eventually falls asleep on Shu's coffee table, cheeks stained with the tracks of her tears. He carries her over to his bed, and just sits beside her, gazing down at her sleeping figure. Should he be feeling happy now? Now that he knew she was on the way to ending things with Hisashi? He knows he probably should be, but all he feels is a heavy weight on his heart.

 

**— ☆ —**

 

 **Shu | 10.08 am  
**Are you feeling better today?

 **Nao | 10.10 am**  
Yeah.  
Sorry, and thanks for yesterday.

 **Shu | 10.11 am  
**Don't worry about it, I'm just glad you're feeling better :)

 **Nao | 10.13 am  
**Talking to you really helped a lot! I got a lot off my chest.

 **Shu | 10.16 am  
**I did say you could come to me whenever you had any worries, right?

 **Nao | 10.18 am  
**Yeah, thanks again!

 **Shu | 10.18 am  
**You really don't have to thank me.

 **Nao | 10.20 am**  
I know, but I want to!  
Since you're always treating me so well.

 **Shu | 10.21 am  
**Of course I'd treat the girl I like well.

 **Nao | 10.35 am  
**The girl you like?

 **Shu | 10.40 am  
**The girl I like.

 

**— ☆ —**

 

Nao spends two days to herself, not talking, not doing much of anything. She goes to class, sits, and doesn't listen to a single thing. All she wants to do is sleep, and forget, at least for a little while, the chaos surrounding her.

When she returns home, she falls face first onto her bed, and wonders where it all went wrong.

Just a few weeks ago things were fine between her and Hisashi (she might've been fooling herself then, but she also might've been fine with fooling herself for longer), and Shu was just another friend. Now she was actually considering breaking up with Hisashi, and Shu was... he was someone who liked her. 

She thinks about Hisashi, about what could happen and what's going to happen. She knew it wasn't working, for so long she's known it wasn't working, but she'd held on tight, for what exactly, she's not so sure of anymore. She knows them falling apart at the seams was never because he didn't love her, she knows now too that he still loves her like she loves him, but she also knows now it was never that simple. It should've been, it really should've, but Nao can't help wanting what she wants, and she knows Hisashi can't help what he wants either. 

Yes, they were in love. Yes, they wanted to be in a relationship. No, they couldn't give each other what they wanted.

Their goals were different. Nao wanted to them to become a couple, just like every other couple, filled with romance and affection and a little touch of glamour. Hisashi wanted them to become their own kind of couple, different from everybody else, special only to themselves. 

At the end of it all, that was enough to tear them apart.

"What? You want us to break up?"

Hisashi's mad, of course he's mad, for all he knows this was coming out of nowhere. Nao doesn't have the heart to explain it all to him, and just hopes that in a while... eventually... he'll understand why she's doing what she's doing now.

"I do. I love you, Uehara, but I just don't think we should be together anymore."

She can see the hurt too, in his eyes, unbelievably loud, screaming out at her, but his mouth stays closed. He doesn't say a word.

Her sight is blurred, her tears silently rolling down her cheeks. Still, she can see clearly the expression on his face, the point of his nose, his long lashes.

She cries harder.

"If this is what you want, fine."

And then he walks away.

Her legs shake, before they collapse under her, and she just cries, and cries, and cries.

 

**— ☆ —**

 

 

"Um, Natsume, are you sure this is okay?"

Shu, who's currently carrying Nao on his back, nods. He's wearing a tight lipped smile, something that thankfully she can't see, and has to wonder who he's pissed off to be cursed to get into a position like this.

"Yeah, it's fine. We're almost to my apartment, it's just a few blocks away. You can rest a bit there, and then when you feel better I'll walk you home."

Nao's warm against Shu's back, and it takes everything in him not to burst into tears. 

This was just unfair.

"Thank you. I feel a bit silly, fainting after a dog suddenly jumped on me."

Shu laughs a little at that, remembering what just happened a few moments ago.

"When you fainted after that, you ended up scaring the dog a little, so I'd say you're both even."

She giggles, and nuzzles her face into the back of his shirt, slightly embarrassed. 

Shu's heart is seconds away from exploding.

"Huh, I didn't think I'd be able to laugh so soon."

Shu starts to make his way up the steps to his apartment building, and struggles to maintain his footing as he attempts to make it up two flights of stairs.

"It's been a week and a half, I wouldn't call that soon at all. There's no right or wrong when it comes to things like how fast you recover from the end of a relationship. You don't have to feel guilty for laughing and having fun, we all have to move on eventually."

Nao doesn't reply, but she presses her face back into his shirt, and he feels her smile through the fabric.

As soon as they make it onto his apartment, he's getting her off him immediately, placing her onto the couch, as he heads to the kitchen to make some tea. His heart's racing a mile a minute as he does so, but he tries to ignore it, he tries to ignore too, how hot his back is now. 

The rest of the night passes in pure agony. Neither of them really talk at all, Shu just turns the television on and they both watch silently, until eventually Nao falls asleep, her head dropping onto his shoulder. The entire time Shu had been so conscious of Nao sitting next to him, of their shoulders, almost touching, of the scent of her shampoo, her hands. And now her head was on his shoulder.

He doesn't care about anything anymore. She was asleep anyway. He leans in.

Then she shifts suddenly, and his lips, mere centimetres from hers, brushes her forehead instead. 

She wakes up.

"Oh, I didn't mean to fall asleep, I'm sorry."

_Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy sh-_

"Nothing to be sorry for. You can sleep in the bed if you'd like, if you're too tired to walk home. I'll take the couch."

Nao shakes her head, and rubs the sleep away from her eyes.

"No, it's okay, I'll go home, you should sleep in your own bed."

Shu takes a deep breath.

"I'll get you some coffee then, it'll wake you up a little, and then I'll walk you home."

She stifles a yawn and nods, as Shu heads to the fridge, cursing silently as he does so. 

_Was she awake? Did she feel it? Does she know? Does she hate me now?_

He turns to look at Nao, who's now cradling her flaming pink cheeks in her hands. _Oh._

 

**— ☆ —**

 

 **Shu | 11.45 pm  
**I don't feel great.

 **Saeko | 11.47 pm  
**Ok. And?

 **Shu | 11.50 pm  
**I should be feeling great.

 **Saeko | 11.51 pm  
**Huh?

 **Shu | 11.53 pm  
**I think Nao likes me.

 **Saeko | 11.56 pm  
**Good for you.

 **Shu | 11.59 pm**  
But I don't feel great.   
I feel.... well, I don't know what I feel, but it's definitely not good.

 **Saeko | 12.01 am  
**You're a big boy, I'm sure you can figure out what that means on your own.

 

**— ☆ —**

 

It's late, the moon is outside his window, shining a light on Shu's practically empty apartment, his tangled limbs sprawled over his bed, his unsleeping, open eyes. It comes to him slowly, not much of a realisation more than an understanding. He was scared, he was confused, he was guilty. He was never meant to have someone like Nao. How could someone like him, someone who dwells in the night, in manipulation and lying, how could someone like him possibly have someone like Nao? 

It's a funny image.

An angel, and a man that belongs to neither heaven nor earth nor hell, a man that belongs nowhere.

If Nao ever found out what Shu had done just to try and get her to like him back, she'd probably be horrified, she'd probably hate him. 

She might be an angel, but that didn't mean she would accept him.

That thought scares him. It doesn't matter what he's done to win her over now, it doesn't matter that he's in love with her, it doesn't matter that she's probably in love with him too. _This_ \- _them_ \- _they_ _could never happen_. A man like him would do no good for a girl like her, for someone who was made of light and warmth. He would only end up destroying something like that, he would only end up hurting her, probably even more than Hisashi would've ever hurt her. Hisashi was similar to Nao in some ways, just a big kid trying to grow up, head filled with sincere thoughts and good intentions. Shu doesn't think there's a single bone in his body with good intentions, and he doesn't think he could ever fit the mould of the kind of man Nao deserves.

_God._

He should've figured this out earlier.

 

**— ☆ —**

 

He predicted this, he  _knew,_ but still, he hadn't thought it would actually happen, not like this, not this fast.

Nao's standing in front of him, cheeks flushed, eyes staring straight at him, her hands clasped together in front of her. She's beautiful, she's everything he's ever wanted, but, but  _God, please don't say it, don't say it, don't say it._

"Natsume, I like you."

He really wishes this was different, that he was different, that it didn't all come together like this. This is exactly what he had asked for, exactly what he wanted.

Yet-

_Yet-_

He knows he can't have it. He can't have her. 

He's looking at her, at the way her eyes sparkle, the way she smiles, and he knows he cannot have that, because he cannot damage that. He knows that all he'd give her would be grief, and pain, and that's not what he wanted. He should've known this a long time ago, but he'd been so stupid, and careless, and so consumed by nothing but the greed of wanting to have her all for himself, that he didn't stop to think, what would happen if he did?

"Nao, I can't do this."

She doesn't look particularly upset at what he says. Disappointed, maybe. But not upset.

"Why?"

He swallows, slow.

_Because I'm bad for you._

"I don't feel the same way."

_Liar._

"Liar."

Everything he wants to say to her is clumped together at the bottom of his throat, stuck, he feels as if he's choking on it all. 

"An awful guy like me might just ruin you."

She sighs, then takes two steps forward, and leans up to kiss him. He's too stunned to kiss her back, too scared to kiss her back, so she pulls away after a moment.

"Natsume, you know, I'm not that fragile."

She kisses him again. And this one, this kiss, he can't not answer, so he pulls her closer, wraps both his arms around her waist, and kisses back.

The kiss is longer this time, and everything,  _everything_ he's dreamed of. When they pull apart, he doesn't let go, arms still tightly wound around her.

"I know, I just needed some courage."

Nao laughs, and Shu's heart feels absolutely full.

"Hey, I need your answer. I told you I liked you, do you like me?"

She's smiling, and crying, and the wind is blowing her hair in all sorts of directions.

_Of course._


End file.
